A Guiding Life

I read an article in a pamphlet* about Secrets of Family Success this part struck me as very interesting:

Studies reveal that second marriages have a higher failure rate than first ones,
and third mrriages fare even worse. In his book, Emotional Infidelity, M.
Gary Neuman points out one reason for this. "If you have difficulties in your first marriage, " he writes, "it's not all about your poor choice of a spouse. It's about
you. You fell in love with this person. You worked with this person
to create whatever you have or don't have." Neuman's conclusion?
"It's better to get rid of the problem and keep your spouse than to get rid of
your spouse and keep the problem."

I am torn by this I really like the thought of getting rid of the problem not the spouse and I think that may work if it is a marriage where there is a foundation of love or at least respect.

But he makes a massive assumption that you loved your spouse to begin with - what if you were young and just wanted to get away from home, didn't know how you really felt or had an arranged marriage in which you were unable to connect with your partner?

And also, what if your spouse truly is the problem - what if he is a violent drunk that puts you and your children at risk daily, what if he is a complete and utter....oh you know what I mean!

I am on my second marriage - I definitely work at it harder than I did my first, I didn't even know you had to work at a marriage during my first. I learnt that after it was over.

But I do like his sentiment - even if it does have a bit of rose coloured spectacles about it